Entering a new year always brings about contemplation and evaluation of the year before and the year ahead. The promise of a fresh chapter, a fresh slate, tempts us to recreate who we are and who we will become. As I look back on 2018, there are so many things I can possibly share: so many lessons, so many pains, so many victories. The list can go on. But I think the biggest discovery of 2018 was who I would be as a wife.In my short life, I’ve had to learn how to navigate multiple facets of who I am: daughter, sister, friend…child, teenager, woman…the list goes on. Every chapter revealed another side of me that I’ve learned to integrate with the rest of me. How does this fit into the mosaic that is my life? Through the years, I’ve felt the transitions and transformations of each role, ultimately finding a path in each role that continues to foster growth towards a better version of myself. 2018 brought me face to face with an entirely new role: wife.
Although getting married and having children was always part of the plan, it was never the plan. I always had plans of having a life that didn’t just revolve around being a wife and a mother. They are roles I want to take on in addition to other roles. They were part of a bigger picture I have for myself and I wanted to find someone who appreciated, understood, and supported the vision I have for my life.
Then came Andrel.
I recognize how incredibly blessed and fortunate I am to have a husband who appreciates, understands, and supports the vision I have for my life. His unconditional love for me has made it easier to navigate through this new chapter in my life. It’s with him that I’m able to explore what being a wife looks like for me and no one else, learning to wisely sift through the advice and expectations of others around me.
So, what does being a wife look like for me?
It’s compromise. I like sorting my laundry into lights and darks – he hates sorting laundry so he throws it all in one load. We now have two laundry baskets in our laundry room: one for darks and one for lights. When it’s his turn to do laundry, he doesn’t have to sort. He simply picks up all of the laundry in one basket and throws it in. We’re constantly finding ways to meet each other in the middle.
It’s autonomy. Whenever we go home to Toronto, we both understand the limitations of our time. We won’t be able to do everything we want to do if we have to do everything together. So, we go to different churches. We spend time with our respective friend groups without the other. We attend events/gatherings surrounding our own hobbies and interests. We don’t spend every waking moment together, but we share every detail of our day once we come together at the end of the day in our bed.
It’s partnership. I share my thoughts and opinions with him freely and apologetically. I call him out when I need to call him out. I challenge him on his position. And he does the same with me. We will go back and forth before making a decision because we recognize our decisions affect two people now. We don’t work on two parallel paths anymore – we work on two paths that must always intermingle, intersect, and connect.
It’s trust. At the end of it all, it’s knowing that this man always has my best interest at heart. That this man loves me unconditionally. That this man will always have my back. So, no matter what happens, it’s trust that will get us through.
I’m still learning. I’m still growing. As the years go on, I know I will continue transforming this role into my own. But, for now, this is what a wife looks like for me. Many may not understand or agree with how I’ve chosen to make this role, but I think that’s the beauty of it all. There are all of these expectations of what wife should look like, how a wife should act.. But you have the choice of completely ignoring all of those expectations and creating a mould specifically made for you. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.